im entirely...

im entirely too tired to be alive today. i think i need a loo0ong vacation away from everything. well, not everything. but you get the general idea. anyhow, i was at a party last night ( family fun... ) and this kid edan was there. he got bent out of shape for whatever reason ( the hostess was poking fun at him, theyre best friends ) and he left awhile after that. i slept over at the persons house and her mom came in and said " you know, edan really likes kayli ". what a mindfuck. he called a bit later and my friend tried to get me to carry on a conversation with him over the phone, but i pretended to be enthralled with a particular round of :you dont know jack: and waved off the phone conversation idea. "this is your life, is this how you dreamed it would be, when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?" i dont know how i want my life to be. i havent thought that far ahead. i dont even know what im doing tomorrow. i dont know what i want from life, either. i guess the self satisfaction that i did what i wanted to do, and how i wanted to do it. independence is one of my many middle names, i suppose. i have a warped view of life. you have one shot at it, so why not live in the moment? everyone is always thinking of the repercussions, and in some cases, im guilty of repercussion-thinking-of, but when you go and do something, you shouldnt have to think about how it will reflect on you in 15 years. you only have so many years to be young. live it up. i should start a religion.