howdy.. yeah i kn...

howdy.. yeah i know i havent posted in awhile.. A) my grandfather died on Saturday B)my computer fucking broke. C)whenever i try to update, like now, my brother is constantly over my shoulder, and reading, and thus, knows too much. in any event, i was at the funeral today, and it was pretty sad. my mom like, broke down, and so did my grandma. she freaked out when they started lowering his body down. it was pandemonium. when i was at ericas house once, JT asked her what she would do if he died, and if she would cry or not. she said she didnt know how she would react, and i guess it put him off a little bit. i didnt cry when my grandfather died. its not like, a given thing that happens to everyone..ive been at my aunts house for the majority of the day (which is where i am now.. *confetti*) and people that i dont know have been coming up to me and talking to me like im some kind of "brave little girl", etc etc. theyre like "oh sweetie, if you want to cry, im here" and i look at them like "what the hell is your deal?" the truth, he had cancer and was in alot of pain. hes not in pain anymore, and im happy for him. he died in his sleep, which is the way to go.

so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past

i feel like a cow. and i have so much stuff to do...« my daybook« my ENTIRE LD CASE « public forum w/ jen jeske. so fun. « return to my regime of not eating junk.im sure theres more, but i just cant remember any of it. so why dont i do it now? silly you, im procrastinating, and i cant possibly do WORK while im procrastinating. must walk the dog. cant wait.

who remembers jesus on christmas anyways?

okay, its christmas. "the one day of the year where i can use my super jewish powers". anyhow, because the majority of the working class of america is catholic, or any of the denominations [lutheran, episcopalian, christian, protestant, baptist, presbyterian (crikey, theyre hard to spell)] and etc, NOTHING IS OPEN! HOLY CRAP, you think some people would take the triple time and work on christmas day. especially those without a family. nobody really remembers jesus on christmas, they give presents. which takes like an hour. so.. go work. so therell be something to do for the rest of the day. the great part is..ALOT OF JEWS HAVE CHRISTMAS FESTIVITIES. how completely INCORRECT and WRONG is that? i can see going to a christmas party given by friends or something, but holding your very own christmassyness? erica, youre exempt from my wrath, seeing as its all donnas fault. seriously. jews dont believe in jesus as our lord and saviour (or whatever that speech is), ergo they [we] shouldnt celebrate his birth! im immensly sorry if i offend anybody that i remotely care about, but wake up, guys. christmas is not for us jews. its just not.onto my next rant. christmas...commercialized. ok, all holidays are endlessly commercialized "for the good of our economy's stability", but come on. what ass did you guys pull santa claus from? and then we jews HAVE to jump on the bandwagon and make up hanukkah harry, which is also a load of shit. and it makes me feel uneasy at the fact that we not only jumped on the bandwagon, but we flipped the damned thing over. santa--okay, its a nice sentiment for little kids, but why not skip the santa thing alltogether? it will save your kids a world of heartbreak when the nosepicking bully in kindergarten tells little billy that santa isnt real. and why shouldnt the parents take credit for buying kickass gifts? they should, because they paid for it. at least some people in the world have the right idea when it comes to celebrating the holiday at its CORE. the bible thumpers. you know, the ones with the nativity scene in their lawns? not saying that EVERYONE with a nativity scene in their lawn is a bible thumper, just the people in my neighborhood, mmkay? not saying i believe in jesus and all of the spiffy things hes supposedly done, but at least those people remember why the hell december 25th is such a big fucking deal. or.. its supposed to be. youre supposed to remember this dude that supposesly "died for your sins", etc. so why dont you do that? stop being hypocrites. please. wow. i think i need a prozac or something.merry christmas, buddies.disclaimer-- dont let me ruin your christmas. seriously. pay no attention to me. im a 14 jewish girl with nothing better to do on christmas day then to sit here and type every christmas-aimed cynicism in my body. dont take me seriously.

omg i seriou...

omg i seriously have to go up to NY with erica to see all of this shit go down. i swear to god, her family is SO selfish. -her dad expects presents from them, and bitches when he doesnt get them.-hes totally focused on his second wife, and cuts erica off to talk to donna.-they turned Ers room into a workout room.-they make erica drop everything to watch the baby, and then go and have leisure time. thats MESSED UP. its NOT ERICAS BABY, ITS THEIR BABY. -ericas dad is uber nosey about her journal.-favoritism like whoatheres plenty more, trust me. erica isnt one for complaining, and in all the years ive known her, she never did. but she is as miserable as ive ever seen her. i think its good that she got herself a journal, because even if she cant articulate whats wrong to me, she can write it. thank god she doesnt live there, shed be in a madhouse by now. cheers.

happy christmas eve day

set about the house to do domestic slavey type work. lord, im tired. thank you muches, erica for the E, E7, and E minor chords. made my fucking day. for whatever reason i was really introspective for a few hours this morning.. i kept thinking about my future, and why the fuck im here in the first place ( maybe thats existential ), and whether or not i should be a fatalist, and blame all my shortcomings and problems on a higher power, or fate. and then, of course, spurns thoughts on nihilism, and anarchy, and how you cant be an anarchist if there are a whole bunch of anarchists being anarchists together. completely defeats the purpose of anarchy, all together. hanukkah-ness last night was fun. ish. i got the thrice CD, jumping my CD count by three since hanukkah started. *yawns* and i have to pretend to be amused tonight when my cousin comes over. dont get me wrong, hes adorable and all, being 3, but seriously, him not being able to pronounce my name is cute for the first 5 million times. everything after that is just annoyance. "oh, look at that! he STILL cant say kayli! awwwwwwwwwww" my family finds me to be a kick. im not. if anything, im a kick in the ass. they expect me to be perfection, when all i really want is to not have to live up to anything, or be anyones dream child. whatever. im leaving for college soon anyways. i can live with being idolized for the next 3 1/2 years.

im entirely...

im entirely too tired to be alive today. i think i need a loo0ong vacation away from everything. well, not everything. but you get the general idea. anyhow, i was at a party last night ( family fun... ) and this kid edan was there. he got bent out of shape for whatever reason ( the hostess was poking fun at him, theyre best friends ) and he left awhile after that. i slept over at the persons house and her mom came in and said " you know, edan really likes kayli ". what a mindfuck. he called a bit later and my friend tried to get me to carry on a conversation with him over the phone, but i pretended to be enthralled with a particular round of :you dont know jack: and waved off the phone conversation idea. "this is your life, is this how you dreamed it would be, when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?" i dont know how i want my life to be. i havent thought that far ahead. i dont even know what im doing tomorrow. i dont know what i want from life, either. i guess the self satisfaction that i did what i wanted to do, and how i wanted to do it. independence is one of my many middle names, i suppose. i have a warped view of life. you have one shot at it, so why not live in the moment? everyone is always thinking of the repercussions, and in some cases, im guilty of repercussion-thinking-of, but when you go and do something, you shouldnt have to think about how it will reflect on you in 15 years. you only have so many years to be young. live it up. i should start a religion.

*.keep us comatose, yet audible.*

how much of a fucking headache do i have? im on the phone with jt, who hasnt taken his medicine yet, and hes singing kumbaya into the phone. arsenic, anyone? anyhow, went to the mall today with two generations of annoyance and bought a lipstick. after eating disgusting thai food. but hey. i love the lipstick. im being forced into family fun at a friends house. alliteration like whoa. i have to go and pretend like i still know these people, whom i havent talked to in a million years, maybe longer. "i will lie awake, lie for fun and fake the way i hold you, then you fall for every empty word i say.." god, i feel so fucking blah today. like today was a complete waste of.. well.. today. if that makes sense. meh, i dunno. erica called at around 4 today and yeah. she doesnt sound thrilled or anything. i think im getting a cell phone plan from metro pcs for hanukkah within the next two days, because i told my mom i was going to start a new plan up by the first of the year, and she said "why dont you just wait and see what youre going to get for hanukkah?" shes so retardedly obvious. and on the phone, an endless string of "i miss erica"s. its only two weeks, and shes coming back, damnit. lets be more cognicent of who we whine to, and about what, shall we?